Chris Kehoe
COMEDIAN
Manchester

Manchester

Friday, May 26, 2017

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Chris Kehoe

RECENT Posts

  1. Train in Vain
    23 Nov, 2017
    Train in Vain
    On 27th December 2005 I had my youth forcibly taken from me.  Those care free days were gone, never to return.  Innocence washed up on the storm tossed shores of experience; I was going to have to learn how to live in this brave new world that appeared before me on that cold winter morning.    For on 27th December 2005 I turned 26 and had to hand in my Young Person’s Railcard like a New York cop in a film handing in his badge and gun following some relatively minor transgression compared to
  2. I Think There's Something In The Garden
    06 Jun, 2017
    I Think There's Something In The Garden
    You know the scenario.  You’re awoken in the middle of the night by a sudden noise from downstairs.  Was it in the house?  Or was it the garden?  Your primal instincts put your hormones into overdrive and you get out of bed to investigate.  Armed with nothing more than a hardback edition of the complete works of George Orwell you traverse the landing, calculating whether to put some clothes on.  “Can I fight naked?  I’ve not tried.  Will my nakedness give me the element of surprise: a vital edge
  3. See You Next Tuesday
    30 Mar, 2017
    See You Next Tuesday
    Cunt: such a wonderful word.  Look at it - four letters long and mighty.  To me it is an angular word, if words can be angular, and full of earthy Germanic inflection.  It has a power that very few words command with its ability to shock, disgust, offend and amuse.  Consequently it is the exact right word for certain situations.  There is no substitute for it.  That is why we need to reclaim the word and put it to proper use. Lots of people do not like to hear the word.  It is vulgar and
  4. Love Thy Neighbour...
    22 Mar, 2017
    Love Thy Neighbour...
    I am an atheist.  I don’t believe in God.  I don’t believe in the afterlife, or even the basic concept of good and evil.  Don’t get me wrong, I believe that people can do evil things as well as good things but the certainty of pure evil or good is too facile to be true. I say, I’m an atheist.  I am actually a lapsed catholic.  I went to catholic school, I served as an altar boy, and attended mass regularly like a good little third generation Irish boy.  I was certain that there was an
  5. My Chemical Bromance
    24 Jan, 2017
    My Chemical Bromance
    I have a confession to make.  Nothing too exciting; don’t get your hopes up.  I haven’t had that interesting a life – no secret children on another continent; no unsolved crimes I am responsible for; no unexpected claim to fame like “I was actually the bassist in, to pick an obscure 90s band at random, Smashmouth”.  No.  Nothing like that.  My love for a semi-colon isn’t even what I am talking about; annoying though it is.  No.  What I have to confess to is a man crush.  Now, to explain what I
  6. The Hamster, The Script and The Ice Cream
    29 Dec, 2016
    The Hamster, The Script and The Ice Cream
    I have never watched The Grand Tour, the Amazon Prime show starring Jeremy Clarkson, James May and Richard Hammond.  For the record, lest it be levelled at me that I haven’t seen it because I am lefty loon and am avoiding it because of ideological reasons; I have also never watched Game of Thrones, Breaking Bad, The Wire or Still Open All Hours.  It’s just one of those things that I have never done, like pot holing.  Despite having not seen The Grand Tour I know that Richard Hammond suggested
  7. We are all Gary Lineker
    04 Nov, 2016
    We are all Gary Lineker
    First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out - Because I was not a Socialist. Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out – Because I was not a Trade Unionist. Then they came for the refugees, and I did not speak out – Because I was not a refugee. Then they came for the Polish lorry drivers, and I did not speak out – Because I was not a Polish lorry driver. Then they came for the openly gay, former Olympic fencer, High Court judges – And I did not speak out
  8. The Princess and the Criminal Justice System
    18 Oct, 2016
    The Princess and the Criminal Justice System
    Once upon a time there lived a princess named Aurora.  The princess was a happy little girl who enjoyed life.  In her 19th year a great party was thrown.  At the party a wicked fairy cast a spell on the princess causing her to fall into a very deep sleep.  When she awoke, the princess was in a strange daze.  She did not know where she was or how she got there.  The castle seemed strange and foreboding and the princess became frightened.  It had been a very deep sleep. The princess spoke with
  9. From the Office of the President of Nowhere
    07 Oct, 2016
    From the Office of the President of Nowhere
    My fellow Nowhereians, It is with much pride that I am able to relay news of great joy.  For the first time in history, the People’s Republic of Nowhere has been recognised by the international community.  Just this week, the small but plucky nation of Little England has made reference to our amorphous lands in one of its annual rallies.  The Prime Minister of Little England, Theresa May, brought the country to a standstill when she invoked the first clause of the Nowhereian Constitution that,